MY LOVERS

He fills the gaping orifice

With tantalizing sweetness

Then glides smoothly, down

A long tunnel,

Ending in a cavernous space

Where he lies with me

Locked in embrace for a long,

Long time, before he decides

To leave me, never to return.

I sorrow for my lost love,

But soon, there is another

Lover, taking his place in my

Affections, and the caresses

Begin again.

Before long, that lover decides

To leave me, also, then another

And another. They stay for just

A short while, then tear themselves

away from me, and leave.

There are many; I'm never

At a loss for lovers.

But why, oh why, do they always,

Always leave me ?

Wrote this back in 1997, August 1st.

Don't know what prompted me to

write it, but here it is.

Can you answer my question ?

If so, please leave a comment. If not, also,

please leave a comment. Be honest, now.

I love all of you, my sweet family

and friends.

Be kind to yourself, and everyone else.

We all have to live on this planet,

hopefully in peace.

Count your many blessings. I do.

D

PERFECTION

What is perfection ?

Who's to say exactly what constitutes perfection ?

We all seem to strive for this ideal...to be perfect, in our work, our marriages, our

child-rearing abilities, etc.

We feel that, in order to be accepted by society, we need to have all the latest fashions,

appliances for the home, new cars, etc.

Why do we invest so much time and energy into aiming for perfection ?

We are fine, just as we are !

None of us has ever been, or ever will be perfect.

We are human, and humans, with all our complexities, and screwed-up personalities

cannot be perfect.

It's different things to different people...shallow people think that if we can't have the

latest whatever, or one is not pretty or handsome, according to their ideas, then we

fall short of perfection.

We are all perfect just the way we are...just the way we look, talk and walk .

We are just as God made us, and he doesn't make mistakes, and those who think otherwise are sorely mistaken.

Look in the mirror...that's perfection . That's who you are. That's who your family

and True friends love...the real you, not some artsy-fartsy, phoney, plastic-enhanced

person. but you, the one in the mirror.

None of us will ever attain the kind of perfection that society demands . Their idea of 'perfection' is skewed !

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, someone once said . If those with whom we associate see nothing but our flaws , then they are not true friends. If we don't measure up to their standards of living, and of beauty, then we are not worth their time to bother with us.

Those who love us see beyond those things, and look into our hearts , and feel the love we have for them, and that is beautiful, and that is perfection.

May we all keep loving one another, no matter what we have or don't have, no matter how we look as we get older. Love never gets old, never changes.

I love all of you, my sweet family and friends, always will.

Keep loving each other.

D

LOVE LOST

Seeing, not with the eyes, but

With every beat of the heart

Feeling, not with touch, but with

The soul's yearning

Wanting, with every nerve a-tingling

Yet, unsure,

Turning, walking away,

Unfulfilled

Never knowing he, too,

Yearned

And felt, and wanted,

But, lacking the courage

To reach out...

Sadly, he watched as she

Walked away.

Two souls, never knowing

What might have been

Never tasting

The love that was waiting

This is a departure for me,

something I haven't tried before.

Not feeling really comfortable

with this style, but, seeing

the success of others, thought

I'd give it a try.

What do you think ? Should I

do more like this, or stick

with what seems to be

what you like, what has worked,

so far, anyway.

Let me know what you

honestly think. I value your

criticism.

Love you all. Keep being

kind to each other, always.

D

DESTINY

Before we ever came to Earth

We wrote our destiny

Of how our lives would unfold

Of how our lives would be

The happy times; the bad ones

Were scripted long ago

We made our choices way back then

Of how our lives would flow

We set down all the illnesses

The many kinds of pain

We chose the things that 'happen'

Repeating them again

We knew just what was needed

From the previous mistakes

Which wrongs should now be righted

Before our soul awakes

For once our journey's over

And we go Home to stay

We can look back at the lives we lived

And we can finally say

Although it took us many lives

And life on Earth was Hell

We stuck to what we scripted

We learned our lessons well

Well, now that I have maps to look at, am finding a few mistakes in my previous

writings. Nothing glaring, just mistaken faulty memories of a few things.

Nothing major, but I like to be as accurate as possible when relating these childhood memories. : )

First of all, the high school some of us attended, Roxbury Memorial High School, was NOT at Warren and Quincy streets, like I'd always thought. According to the map, it was on Townsend St., near Humboldt Ave. It looks like Quincy turned into Townsend, and if that's correct, you can see why I always thought it was on Quincy St. Humboldt Ave. runs parallel to Warren St. but further up.

Next mistake was the park we went to as children, and in which the picture that your cousin Sue blew up and framed for us, took place. It was NOT Warren St. Park. It was Washington Park, on Washington St. Boy, did I have these things wrong. I'm so

glad to have these street maps, so I can see the mistakes, and can correct them. I want you kids to have as accurate a rendering of events as possible.

Next is a really minor goof. Remember I said the little neighborhood store, Mary's, was on the corner of Ingleside at Blue Hill Ave. ? Mistaken again. When looking at the map, I could see that it was on a closer street than that, on the corner of Dove St. and B. H. Ave.

As I continue finding any mistakes, or misperceptions, I'll post them. May not mean anything to you kids, but I've always wanted to be correct whenever possible.

Boy, sometimes our brains get an idea, and we assume it's the right one. Look at how many years I've had these incorrect perceptions ! Hahaha...shows that these old brains of ours can really fool us sometimes !

I'm SOooo glad to have these maps...they help so much.

Oh, maybe you've noticed a street there, near Maywood, called Tupelo . That's where Louie West and family lived. He's the family friend who took Grandpa to the hospital when he severed an artery years ago, while carving a turkey, remember ?

Ok, this is gonna be a short one...just wanted to make these corrections.

I hope your cousin Sue is full of excitement and renewed hope for her future. She

should have everything she needs now to conduct her life in the way she wants,

and find some joy and happiness in her life. I'll keep praying for her, and always

hold her in my heart. I love her very much .

You, my sweet, oh, so precious children, are always in my heart, and my thoughts,

and will remain there always, now and forever.

Be good and kind to one another, always, and love and show forgiveness if and when it ever becomes necessary.

Find the joyful moments and cherish them.

I love you all more than words can say. you know that. I am so proud of all of you,

and so thankful you chose me to be your Mom.

More later.

D

MORE HAPPINESS

The flat we lived in on Blue Hill Ave, was on the second floor, over a Hardware store, Kramer's.

Anne, who was 19, got a job there, don't know what her work was, though. That flat was very close to the corner of Quincy St.

Phyllis was in Patrick T. Campbell Jr. High. Betty was at Horace Mann School, and Paul was at Phillips Brooks Elementary, across the Avenue, and down a ways on Quincy St. along with me, I think .

Fay and I would walk home from school, as far as Blue Hill Ave. I would go across, and walk the few steps to Maywood St. up a few houses to my home, right there, and she would have to walk way up the Avenue to her home. Think she was too far out of the district to be going to our school, so her folks must have gotten permission to have her attend there. I don't remember Paul walking back and forth with me, but he must have. I remember him going to our previous school at Julia Ward Howe, and us being together there.

On winter days when I stayed home, for whatever reason, I'd look out the bedroom window that overlooked the Avenue, and watch people trying to walk in all the dirty slush from the snow, and all the cars and streetcars going by. That was the most cars I ever saw any place, because it was a main thoroughfare. Seemed like an awful lot of them.

But once we moved from there to 61 Maywood St. just two streets over from Quincy St., we hardly ever saw a car on our street. We kids could play in the street sometimes, without much chance of getting run over. Mostly what traffic there was there were horse-drawn wagons, driven by men yelling out their wares, fruit and vegetables, mostly, and the rag man who collected rags, newspapers, and odd things like aluminum foil or the balls of string my father saved, etc. That guy would holler 'Rags, any old rags ' ! Then, if my Dad had anything to sell, he or Mamma would let the man know to come up the three flights to our flat.

You can look at that map now to see how close we were to school, and to the Savin St. Clinic, that was a block long, from Savin St. to Maywood, because of that big fenced-off cemented area, where I've mentioned before how we got under the sprinklers there in the summertime. I don't know what the purpose of all that area...don't remember ever seeing cars parked in there. Odd.

Anyway, by looking at the map, you can picture some of the things. How about the big, green water fountain I've spoken of before ? It was right on the sidewalk, near to the street, right between Savin St. and Maywood St, halfway between. can't you just picture that ??

To go to Kasanof's Bakery, we would walk from our flat there on Maywood, down to Blue Hill Ave, just a short walk, then, go left on B. H. Ave, just another short walk, and we were at the bakery ! If we were going to Dewey St. Drugstore, we had to cross the Avenue, and continue walking another short way to get there.

Sometimes, during the winter, Mamma would send Paul and I, pulling his wagon, to the National D store to get bags of 'coke', a fuel for the stove. It was cheaper than coal. Our Daddy had hurt his back from all the bags he used to haul on his back, and it caused a hump from all the coke he carried, so when we were old enough, we would do it, with the wagon.

The National D store was not a supermarket, much smaller, and painted a bright blue. It was just a little further than Dewey Drugs, on that same side of the street.

Right ON Dewey St. was a little Mom and Pop store, where we could get cups of sherbet, or 5 cent grab-bags full of candy. You didn't know what kind of candy until it was opened. Usually, they put some pretty good stuff in there ! Didn't get those too often...nickels were hard to come by.

One of the streets you can see on the map is Waverly. The Pastor of our church, Dudley St. Baptist church, lived there with his wife. Don't recall if they had a family or not. They were very sweet to us kids, had us to their home sometimes. I've mentioned before, how Pastor Brooks looked a lot like the Monopoly game man, a little chubby man like that, mustache and all. such a nice man, too. He would give all us kids a geranium plant during church services, to take home to our mothers on, I think, Mothers' Day. I was always thrilled to have something to give to Mamma !!

Ok, think that's enough for today. Now you can have some fun looking at the street map, and putting all the stories together with where everything happened. I hope you have fun doing it !

Until next time, I love you all so much, my precious children, and grandchildren., nieces and nephews. You all mean the world and more, to me. Always stick together, and be kind to one another .

D

HAPPY DISCOVERY

Yesterday, I decided to Google a bakery from the neighborhood I lived in as a child.

The bakery is still located where it was way back in the 1940's, in Roxbury, Massachusetts, where I and all my siblings were born and raised . On Blue Hill Avenue.

Actually, the bakery isn't there, but the land is, over 3 acres. A new development is being planned and built there, more housing for the people living in the area .

That bakery, Kasanof's, had some of the best bread, and desserts one could ever hope to eat !

They are still in existence, just in different locations. Wonder if their desserts are anywhere near the succulent goodness they once were ! When you bought a piece of cheesecake, or mocha cake, or fruit squares, etc., you were in for a taste treat like no other !! Couldn't beat the price, either ! The portions were huge !! And for 15 cents each !! More than enough for two people to have their fill !

My big sister, Anne, would hand me the 15 cents ( no tax ) and send me to Kasanof's for one of their immense chunks of delicious cheesecake. When I brought it back, she'd cut off a big piece for me, and we'd eat it right there in her bedroom...yummmmmmm !!! So good ! Any time she asked me to go for some, I didn't hesitate, b/c I knew she'd reward me with a big, old piece of it !! Mmmm, those were the days !

All their goodies were so tasty ! The fruit squares, as they were called, were of such variety ! I remember that my sister, Phyllis's favorite was the fig square. I had a lot of 'favorites'...the lemon, the apple, the blueberry...maybe others, can't recall. They were so delicious, and, as mentioned before, huge portions !! Fifteen cents was a lot of money in those days, but you got your money's worth, that's for sure !!

Mamma would send us to buy the day-old bread, for a dime, I think. Good bread, cheap price. Loved their rye bread, either the 'Jewish' rye, or the pumpernickel rye...good stuff !!

So, as I said, finding the bakery was so wonderful...lots of childhood memories tied up in that bakery, and the field behind it, one we kids called 'The Tannery'.

Better yet, was seeing a street map of that old neighborhood, all those wonderful, old streets still there, in the order in which I remember them . Each of those streets hold fond memories for me !

When we moved from Willis Terrace down near Dudley St. way back in the 1930's, some time after my brother, Paul, was born, we moved to Dewey St., quite a distance away. That had to be by horse and wagon, b/c my Dad never drove, as far as I know, and we were still in the transition from horse-drawn wagons to cars, the tail-end of that era.

I was probably about 5 years old when that move from 4 Willis Terrace, to 24 Dewey St. was made, so maybe early in 1935, I'm guessing.

Dewey St. was hilly. The top of it was at Blue Hill Ave., then it sloped down, and we lived at the last house on one side, number 24, on the bottom floor. the young guys, Tony and at least one brother, and, I guess, their parents, lived on the second, or middle, floor. they were always nice to all of us. The boys delivered ice, in a truck, not a wagon pulled by a horse. They're the ones, who, as I mentioned in one of my earlier 'Memories' posts, took me to the hospital, Boston City Hospital, wrapped up in a blanket, when I was 6 years old. Now I forget what for, maybe pneumonia ? Hope that info is in another memory post, b/c I'm drawing a blank just now. : )

On the top, or third floor, lived Sonny Spring and his family. He was bigger than me (wasn't everybody), and maybe a year older. Or not...maybe the same age. He was my 'boyfriend' . In my mind, anyway ! Neat boy...used to give me rides on the scooter he made, from a wooden crate, and a thick, short board, on which he nailed some old-fashioned roller skates. He used to let me sit in the box, and he'd give me rides in our neighborhood. That was fun !

During winter time, when there was ice in the gutter, from when there had been rain, and it would freeze, I'd slide on that little bit of ice. Thought that was fun. Simple pleasures ! Oh, the school I attended was John Winthrop Elementary. It was on the street running along the bottom of Dewey St. Not sure of that street's name. There's one on the map, beginning with the letter D, maybe that was it.

Then, around late 1939, or early 1940, from Dewey St. we moved to 13 Maywood St. on the Warren St. end of Maywood (look at the map and you can see those areas). Again, Daddy packed up the horse and wagon. I've mentioned this before, also. Stayed there not too long, Attended Julia Ward Howe Elementary while at that address ! That was close to Nana Lambert's house, so Paul and I would sometimes go to see her. Remember I mentioned that she and her husband had a dog, Peggy, who had a litter of puppies one day while we were there, and we got to see them being born ?

I remember we lived on Blue Hill Ave. in 1940, and the first half of 1941. While there, attended Phillips Brooks Elementary . Stayed there until getting promoted from the 6th grade. That was maybe in 1942. When we moved there, I met Fay Sodekson, who became my best friend. She and her family were Jewish, but don't think they were orthodox . Never heard Fay speak of going to Temple, or of going to Hebrew classes like some of the boys in the neighborhood did. Maybe the girls didn't get to go. Anyway, Fay and I went to Phillips Brooks together, then later, to Patrick T. Campbell Jr. High, and, later yet, to Roxbury Memorial High school. She and I were very close, so close, we stole together ...once ! Real hard-boiled criminals, we were !! : )

On this note, think I'm gonna stop for now. will write more later.

Loving all this reminiscing, since my 'happy discovery' yesterday, and want to write the rest, but tired now, so will pick up where I'm leaving off, later on.

I love this, and love sharing my happiness with you.

Until later.

D

MEMORIES ON FILM

Today my niece, Sue, posted a picture

of my late father, Edward C. Boyden.

I had seen this pic only once before,

when Sue had made DVD's for each of

her cousins and me, of her Mom,

Anne A. Hadfield on some occasion.

I don't think that was a birthday DVD,

but could be wrong.

Anyway, Sue had included this picture

of her grandfather on that DVD. When I

viewed that DVD, it evoked a chuckle,

but today, upon seeing it here on

Facebook, I said, "That's my Daddy",

and burst into tears !!

Why the strong reaction ? I don't

really know, unless it's related to the fact

that my big sister just passed on Memorial

Day, just 9 days ago, and that is still very

fresh in my mind.

I've been having those

thoughts that I think most folks have

when they lose someone as close as a

sibling . You know, thinking, 'I'll have to

ask Anne', or 'I'm going to call Anne

to tell her' something. Or a book or TV

show you want to discuss with her, or

want to ask her about how to make

some dish you want to eat,

temporarily forgetting that she's

no longer here to talk to.

Maybe because of that so recent loss

of my beloved sister, Anne,

the picture of my father brought

a renewed sense of loss, and the

tears were just barely below the surface,

ready to erupt at any time.

It was sweet of Sue to post this one

of my Dad, and I thank her for it.

Made me very happy to see him.

She has been going through her Mom's

old pictures, letters and cards, and

posting some pictures on F/B that I've never

even seen before. I love that, and hope

she keeps on doing it.

That way, too, some family members,

who never got to meet their ancestors

can see what they looked like. I hope

all these younger relatives enjoy seeing

their great-grandparents, and great

aunts and uncles, etc.

So, thanks to Sue Hall, we all can

enjoy these lovely and some funny

family pictures.

Thank you, sweetheart...keep posting !

I love you, loved your Mom, and love

seeing these pictures. Please put more

and more, as you come across them.

D

THE LAW OF ATTRACTION

Am I happy ?

Yes, I'm as happy as I allow myself to be.

Do I not have any worries or concerns ?

Of course I do, but will not allow myself

to become down-hearted and depressed.

It doesn't help, but impedes my thinking,

my hope that things will get better.

I refuse to let the worries I have

about my family's health problems

get me down .

Rather, I subscribe to the school

of thought that things will improve,

draw towards us that which we desire,

in this case, happiness, and better health.

Is it possible to be happy in this

crazed, greedy, corrupt, war-torn

world ?

I say, Yes, but it will take work,

concentration, focus to bring about

the atmosphere with which I,

or we, desire to surround ourselves.

Diligence in watching our thought

patterns can bring this about.

But, neglecting to maintain the

positive atmosphere, can make the

Law of Attraction work just the

opposite, and bring about that which

we do not want, that which we fear

and in which we despair. Those things

will be attracted to us; the very things

we want to put out of our lives.

It takes strength and determination

to remain steadfast in attracting

what we want in our lives. We

can't let our thoughts flit about

willy-nilly, if we want any measure

of control, any measure of

peace of mind.

We must guard against those

destructive thoughts of

unworthiness, self-pity, and worry

asserting themselves again,

if we ever hope to have what

we want in our lives, some measure

of happiness and contentment.

So, yes, it is possible to be

relatively happy, but we must

work towards that end.

A field lying fallow

does not produce anything,

but a field that is enriched with

the necessary nutrients, and

worked on daily, diligently, will

produce an abundant, luscious crop !

Our minds are those fields, and

if we daily feed it good, positive

thoughts, we will see an abundance

of joy and contentment.

And that should make us happy.

Please, all of you, count the blessings

you have now, and be content.

I love each and every one of you,

my super-large family. You all

are very special to me.

D

THE SEARCH

"Will true Spirit come forward, please?"

Nobody moves.

They all just stand there, some looking down, some staring straight ahead,

yet others watching each other in expectation.

"Who will step forward?"

Again, silence.

After a very long time, a shadowy, dark form moves slowly out of the crowd.

It shuffles toward the speaker.

"No, no, you're not Spirit........you're too dreary; full of sadness and suffering.

I feel much misery in you. Go back.

Another glides forward, smiling provocatively, "Will I do" ? it asks .

"You can't be Spirit. You pursue only pleasure and thrills. Go back to your place.

"Perhaps I'm the one you're looking for". Another has spoken.

It marches forward smartly, in true military fashion, clicking it's heels, as it stops

directly in front of Speaker.

Speaker looks Military up and down, feeling the ugliness of war, hate and killing.

Speaker orders it back.

"Hey, Dude, maybe I'm your guy." Oh boy, this one is even less like Spirit

than the others. As it comes forward in it's filthy garb, it is just finishing a can of beer,

which it casually tosses aside. After an enormous belch, it pops a cigar in it's mouth

and lights it, strutting all the while. As it comes closer, Speaker recoils from the stench,

and tells that one to return.

Another approaches. then another and another, each claiming to be Spirit, until at last,

they have all been seen.

But none of them have the magical child-like essence that only Spirit possesses.

Spirit must be gone, forever.

Speaker is very disheartened, and turns to leave.

But, wait !

A tiny voice is heard, from way in back of the pack, muffled by the density of the crowd.

A hush comes over them.

"Wait", it says. I'm here. I am Truth and Light and Love".

The crowd parts, and a brilliant radiance fills the room, so bright that they have to

shield their eyes.

It steps forward, almost floating, as it moves gracefully towards Speaker.

Speaker knows in his heart that this is true Spirit .

"But where have you been? Where did you go?, Speaker asks.

'I've been so lonely, and have had such an emptiness in me".

"I've been here all the time, but it became so dark and crowded, my light was extinguished,

and I fell asleep. I was hidden under all the misery, ignorance, fear and pretense. But, now,

you have exposed them for what they are, and have taken their power from them.

I've awakened from my sleep, and I'm here to be with you always".

Spirit moves toward Speaker, arms outstretched, and melts right into Speaker's body.

Speaker is at once filled with love, warmth and radiant energy.

"Never again will I allow myself to lose Spirit", he says.

I wrote this on April 10, 1993

There were a couple of lines at the end, that I have left out. They don't seem to fit any more.

This seems to fit in somewhat with my last piece here, I think. Hope you all enjoy it.

I love all of you.

D

FACING THE DARK

Darkness can be frightening

Can't see anything, therefore

one becomes full of fear.

We cannot see in the dark,

unlike animals whose eyes allow

them to see perfectly.

Darkness of the Spirit

is more frightening.

If one embraces that darkness,

he cannot see what is ahead of him,

any more than when there is

artificial light to see by, or any

sunlight to illuminate our Earth,

or moonlight to give a gentle

glow in the evening.

The inner darkness is

all-pervasive; it keeps out,

blocks any light, any hope

of being able to see beyond the dark.

Bad feelings ... hurt, pain, anger,

despair, sadness, confusion, terror,

unworthiness, dread, violence

and loneliness reside in that place.

To embrace darkness is to close

oneself off from light, to choose

to be in that self-imposed prison

from which there may be

no escape, no hope.

If one chooses to wallow in

all that mud of bad feelings,

all that muck, is to condemn

oneself to a life of misery.

There is hope, a way out,

if one chooses to take it, to

escape from that awful prison.

He must face those feelings,

confront each of them, and make

the decision to conquer them,

put them out of existence,

once and for all time.

The darkness is very powerful,

but you are more powerful than

your feelings.

You must gather up your strength

to be able to face down these demons,

Don't let them conquer you !

Examine each one, find it's flaws,

its weaknesses.

You must take control of your

own mind and heart, and

defeat your enemy, those terrible

feelings that have grabbed hold

of you, and don't want to let go.

Feelings are intangible, without

substance. You, your mind, is real,

and only you can pull yourself up

out of the muck and mire of

bad feelings. Only you can

chase those bad feelings away.

Take control, and free yourself

from that cold, damp prison cell.

I hope you will carefully read

these words, and take them to heart.

You MUST take control and stop

letting these rotten feelings run

rampant through your mind and heart.

You CAN do it; others have done it,

and you have to fight hard, every day,

every time one of these negative feelings

comes over you. Stop and look at it, see

how weak it really is, and without your

consent, it really has NO power.

When the next one comes along, do

the same thing. As you do this to each

of them, they will lose whatever power

they have had over you, and you can then,

as the saying goes, 'kick it to the curb'.

It won't be easy, it will take strength

and vigilance to see it coming and

head it off, before it can do any harm.

As each one leaves, replace it with a

positive thought or feeling, and if

you do this consistently, one day, all

those lousy feelings will be a thing

of the past, and you will be full of,

if not actual happiness, at least

contentment, peacefulness, and serenity.

I am praying for you, please do this

for yourself. Never mind what the people

in your life say, their words do not matter.

What you say to yourself, what YOU

think, is what matters.

Take charge of your life, your destiny.

I love you.

D

THE LOST SOUL ?

Oh, no, the soul can not be lost.

It knows exactly where it is,

where it is going and why.

The human, however, CAN be lost,

floundering, not knowing who

he is, where he is, and

where he's going... or how

he is going to get there, or

even WHY he is going.

The human stumbles along,

meeting obstacle after obstacle,

and either learns how to overcome

each one he encounters, or

spends LIFETIMES, trying

to learn how to overcome them.

The human is frail, and can be

easily stumbled or confused,

whereas the soul possesses great

strength, and resources for knowing

who, what, how, where, when and why.

The soul has infinite patience

and can wait as long as necessary

to fulfill it's deep longing to

be 'Home' .

Although we sometimes have to

come back, again and again to

this life, we know that we were

sent here to learn something.

Once the soul becomes human,

it forgets the purpose, the reason

why it came to Earth. There is

a reason, but that reason becomes

lost or confused in the human

brain. It's there, but life's experiences

tend to keep it hidden or in

abeyance until such time as the soul

realizes it has fulfilled its purpose

here on Earth and is ready to go

to its original HOME, to God,

to whom the soul belongs,

there to reside forever in peace,

harmony and love with all it's

fellow souls who have completed

their journeys as well.

I wrote this back in 1995, and just came across

it yesterday. thought it was pretty good,

so decided to post it in hopes that some

of you will enjoy it as well.

Keep counting your blessings, and know that we,

the human race, are all ONE.

I love you.

D

TEENAGERS

What wonderful creatures are teenagers !

They're so complex, yet so

Mysterious .

Really in a category by themselves,

No longer children, yet not adults, either.

They can drive us to distraction, yet at times

Make us weep with joy.

Today, March 27th, 2011, my daughter,

Candy, sent me a group of pictures.

They were of a huge rock in Iowa,

That had been written on for

Generations of teenagers, all

Manner of things, from the simple

'Johnny loves Mary' stuff, to all kinds of

Profanity, etc.

Then, along comes this boy, this

Teenager, who looks at the rock and sees

So much more potential in it.

He brings his paints and brushes and

Sits down, studies this rock for a bit,

Before deciding just how to go about

Presenting his artistry.

He started to paint, and what he

Portrayed on that rock is something that

Will be looked at and talked about for

Years to come.

This teenager, this kid, made the rock

Into a Memorial for all those who serve

In the U.S. armed forces.

I will be sending the pictures to all on

My E-mail list, and hope you all will

Forward it to everyone on your lists.

Next time we think of how badly

Some teens are acting up, please

Give a thought to this boy, who, although

At the time he painted these memorable

Scenes from our country's history, was

Too young to know what war is all about,

Still seemed to have so much love and

Understanding in his heart, for the

Sacrifices made by so many, and made

A glorious Memorial to all those

Who have fought and / or died,

In all the wars in which

Our country has been engaged.

Next time some teenager is giving you a

Hard time, try to listen to them,

Try to see the point they're

Trying to make, try to make some sort of

Compromise, meet them half-way,

And love them as if there's no tomorrow,

Because sometimes there isn't.

Think of this particular boy, and know that

There are so many more, just like him

Who only need to be listened to, and

Understood, and loved, no matter what !

Teenagers truly are wondrous creatures !!

I hope all you parents who read this

will look into your hearts, and realize

how much we all influence our children.

Those of us beyond child-rearing age

can look back and see the mistakes

we made with our own kids, and hope

that today's parents of young kids

will learn from our mistakes and do

a better job of listening to their kids

and help them to become healthier,

better adjusted adults than some of

our kids turned out.

We weren't bad parents, just misguided,

bringing up our kids the only way we

knew ; the way we were brought up.

Whether right or wrong, they and then

we, did the best we could, with the

knowledge and experience we had.

The kids and teens of today have it

really rough, living in an unsure world,

not knowing whether we will have to

fight a war here in our own country,

which could be a possibility, the way

things are going, with so many wrong

choices being made, so much unrest

here and in the rest of the world, so

much fighting for domination and power.

The least we adults can do for these

young people, these teenagers, and even

those a little older, is to listen to their

problems, their grievances, and show

them that we are listening, really,

truly, hearing them, and that they can

count on us to be there for them,

whatever is happening, whatever to them

is so important, even to the boy/girl

dramas, which to them, means so much.

They need to know that we care enough

to listen, to hold them when they are in

anguish, to just sit quietly sometimes,

while they pour out their feelings.

We must, if there is to be any hope

for these precious kids, and for our

nation, which they will be running,

governing, some day in the future.

Remember, we all were teenagers once,

and whether we got what we needed

or not, from the experience, we know

what we felt, what we needed, and we

can call upon those memories, those

feelings, and try to do better with our kids

or grandkids.

We must not dwell upon the mistakes

we made in the past, we just have to

do our best to help our kids NOW.

The past is done and over with, we

have to deal with what is going on

at the present time. Our kids, and we,

ourselves are worth the time and effort.

Let's continue to count our blessings,

today and every day.

I love you all, my dearest ones.

D

SOMETIMES

You know, when I speak to people,

especially those I love, I sometimes

want to get across a point that I feel

needs to be addressed, and think I do

it in such a way as to irritate them.

I sometimes speak a little louder

or use cuss words to emphasize

the point.

I don't mean to hurt anyone's

feelings, but think I do, unintentionally.

Sometimes I feel it's the only way

to make them understand; to feel

the importance of what I'm trying

to bring to their attention.

My voice is not unduly loud, so

sometimes have to raise it

to be heard.

Also, when excited, I sometimes

speak louder than intended, and

people think I'm angry. I'm not,

just so anxious to get the person

to understand what I'm trying to say.

Sometimes, I feel as though

I'll never be heard

unless I raise my voice.

Frustration sometimes

makes me louder.

When I feel someone isn't

really listening, isn't getting

the point I'm trying to make,

it is indeed, frustrating

So, if I've given any of you

the wrong idea, or getting you

upset or angry with me,

please re-think whatever

it is that we talked about,

and realize that I sometimes

come across differently

than was the intention.

I love everyone so much,

and would never do or say

anything to purposely

hurt you, so please realize

that I do get carried away

with my zeal. Sometimes.

I love you all.

D

SECRETS

Many of us have

Deep in our psyches

Secrets

Some very dark secrets

Buried deep inside

Where we don't have to

Look at them

Some for which we feel

So much shame

As to make us feel

Unworthy of others

Unworthy of love

Unworthy of even

Deserving to live

Vilifying ourselves

Allowing others to

Vilify us

Feeling we deserve it

The outward effects

Diminish our lives

Keeping us depressed

Confused, wondering

Not knowing

Why we have these feelings

Are there sins we committed

Or that others committed

Upon us

Deeds we omitted

Wondering why so many

things in life seem to go

Wrong

We need to dig deep, find

The demons, uncover the

Secrets

Bring them to the surface

To our conscious mind

Where we can look at them

And allow ourselves to

Feel the hate, disgust

Revulsion

Allow the tears of frustration,

Anger, sorrow, regret

All, to come out and

Deal with them

Come to the realization

That we are only, after all,

Human beings, with all

the vagaries of humanness

To control us

feeling shame, disgust and

Fear of being found out

So, we bury these

Secrets, experiences, memories

Down deep, along with

The emotions we felt

At the time

Keeping us from living life

to it's fullest, diminishing

Our joys and happiness

If never resolved

We will continue to

Experience

Our own private

Agony

TRY HARDER

Every thought that comes into our minds,

every word that we utter goes out

into the Universe.

Each person has access to everyone else's

thoughts and words.

We need to be aware of this, and conduct

ourselves in such a way, so as to not think

or say hurtful or hateful things.

Our words and thoughts can be picked up

by anyone in the Universe, so we need

to think and speak kind words and

thoughts... not always easy to do ;

we're not Pollyanas.

We're human, and we do and say unkind

or thoughtless things --- I know I do,

but I never mean to hurt anyone. Of

course, I do hurt people, just as most

of us do, without it being our intention.

I strive to be a kinder, more understanding

person, yet I sometimes fall short.

Why ? Because, like you, I'm human,

with all the quirks and foibles that

being human entails.

To that end, we must try harder to

be good, decent people...to love

ourselves and others, and to always

remember to be cognizant of what

we are thinking and saying.

It matters.

D

I wrote this on April 27, 2007.

We must be kinder, more loving

to ourselves and each other, and

hope that, in doing so, people now

and perhaps many years from now

will pick up on our good thoughts

and make a difference on this

earth, and the whole Universe.

Maybe one day, kindness and

love will rule our Universe, rather

than the greed and corruption

so prevalent now, in our time.

Is there hope for the human race

yet ? I pray it will be so.

Until such time, we must all

do our part, so that future generations

may benefit, and live in peace

and harmony.

Let's all count the many blessings

we have, and appreciate what and

who we have in our lives, now, and

also those we have loved , but are

gone. We can continue to love

them and keep their memory in

our hearts.

I love all of you, my sweet family.

THE CHRISTMAS STOCKING

Meg couldn't believe her eyes !

There was a Christmas stocking

hanging from the mantel !

She hadn't had one of those since

she was a child .

Where did it come from ?

Who had put it there ?

If her husband were alive, he

might have done it, but he'd died

two years ago .

She'd been looking for her wedding

ring ever since the day of the funeral .

Somehow, it had gotten lost, and

she'd been heartbroken. It was so

very special to her...all she had left

of Jim.

She shook her head and dried her tears,

and thought, 'Well, whoever had left

that stocking, I might as well

accept it'. She took it to her bedroom,

and sat cross-legged on her bed,

like she did when she was a little girl

and started emptying it...methodically,

the same way she did back then, one

item at a time.

A pretty bottle of perfume was at

the top...Obsession, her favorite !

then a package of Seashell stationery

she'd always liked . Next, a pair of

pearl-encrusted combs for her

long, dark hair that Jim used to remark

about . How he loved her shining,

luxurious hair !

Meg laughed, when she reached in

and pulled out a box of animal crackers.

That was one of her favorite stocking

treats when she was a child . There were

the other treats she remembered

receiving in her Christmas stockings ;

the box of filled Christmas candy, the

mixed nuts, the apple and orange...

oh ! it felt so good ; brought back such

happy childhood memories !

Near the bottom, she found an elegant

golden pair of dancing slippers, and

a tiny golden purse to match !

She and Jim had always danced

so well together. She was nearing

the bottom of the stocking now, and

she reached in for the expected coin,

like Santa had always given her, but

there, in the bottom, in the very

tippity- tip of the toe, was her

wedding ring !! She turned it around,

and found the inscription, 'For Meg,

I'll always be with you'... Jim .

I wrote this on November 30, 1997

I know it's a bit predictable, but I

enjoyed writing it. There's a little

of myself in there, with the food items

in the stocking. Every christmas my

sibs and I had those items in our

stockings, and we had a nickel in the

toe...pretty good money for a kid

back then. And, yes, we took our

stockings to our rooms and sat

like Meg, in the story, eating some

of our goodies.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the

story, juvenile though it seems now.

D

BLESSINGS OF OLD AGE

To those who, like me, have reached

a ripe, old age :

May you have good physical health

May you always be able to move

May you always be able to taste your food

May all your senses remain intact

May your brain continue to function

May you always know who and what you are

May you always be able to reason

May you always think young

May you always be able to see your children

and all your loved ones

May you always enjoy children's laughter

May you always hear your loved ones' voices

May you always retain the capacity to laugh

and enjoy a good joke

May you continue to enjoy the melodious

songs of the birds

May you enjoy many more sunrises

and sunsets

May you always feel and be

surrounded by love

May you always be forever young

D

I wrote this about a year ago, March, 2010,

and I wish this for not only myself, but all

us, as we grow older.

Time is passing so quickly now, seems like

even the young ones are growing old

right before our eyes !

So, it behooves everyone to enjoy life,

squeeze every bit of happiness into

every second, push the negative stuff

aside as quickly as possible, because

before you know it, you'll be where

I'm at now, saying, 'What the heck

happened ? Where did everything go,

and how did I get so old, so fast ?

Enjoy your lives, keep those you love

close to you, and invent ways to

be happy, not bored. don't waste time,

it's a precious commodity.

And share your love, be overly

generous with hugs and kisses, and

shower praise on all your loved ones,

for even their littlest efforts.

Be loving, kind, and compassionate ;

the same qualities you want extended to you.

Thank you for taking the time to read

my 'ramblings'.

I love you all.

THE JOY IN LIVING

Each day we awaken is another gift from God.

What we do with each day is up to us.

Do we want to improve ourselves and

our relations with others ?

Or, do we sit and dream of what

Could have been, Should have been,

What wasn't done

What others did or said, or

What they didn't do or say.

Do we smile and say, let's see,

What can I do today, to

make my life worthwhile ?

Do we wish someone

would have done this for us,

or that for us ?

Or do we Seize each day, and

make the most of it ?

Do things for ourselves...

go out and buy a new purse, or

some other little luxury,

Go get our hair done,

go visit a friend,

Call, or write or E-mail ;

Send a card to someone,

letting them know you're

thinking of them.

What can I do with this day

the Lord has given me ?

I will try to be happy, to

make others smile,

to be glad, that they, too,

have another day to use

to help themselves, their

Families, friends and neighbors.

Even little things can

make a difference...

Make new friends ;

find the Joy in life.

We have but to open our eyes,

hearts and minds

to find it.

Grab onto it, share, and

spread it around.

Joy is contagious !

Rejoice in the fact that

You are Alive !!!

D

I wrote this on May 12, 2008

Don't recall what prompted it, perhaps

some of the very things that are contained herein.

Maybe I'd been sitting around, feeling something

was missing in my life ; that others should

somehow have helped to give my life

meaning. Or, perhaps, I was just waking up to

the fact that I am the one who can do

something to give myself a feeling of

fulfillment, no one else.

It's up to me to find ways to make

myself happy.

Well, whatever it was,

I'm glad I wrote this. Hope, after

reading it, you, too, can find meaning

in it for your own life.

THE ARTIST

Sometimes, great art emerges from

the hearts of tortured souls .

It comes in many forms...singing,

dancing, painting, sculpting,

writing, composing, playing music...

The troubled soul reaches out,

hoping for relief, to be able to escape

his inner torment ;

expressing his pain and fears

through his art.

The comic laughs at much, makes

jokes about many things, often about

his own life, his own misery,

putting it out there

in the form of jokes,

laughing on the outside

but crying on the inside.

He often uses expletives, from

the frustration of not knowing

just how to put into words,

to purge himself of all the anger,

hurt, resentment, sadness.

He vomits out

his misunderstood feelings,

to try to free himself

from the prison in which

his own heart and mind

keep him incarcerated.

WHY CAN'T I ?

Sometimes, when I hear or read great works

of beauty, love, or poignancy, I wonder,

Why can't I write like that ?

Why can't I write something so profound,

that those who read it might say,

'What depth ! What insight ! What wisdom !

What love and beauty this woman possesses !'

Why can't I write something so magnificent

with my usage of words, that it would evoke

passionate tears in the eyes of those who read it ?

That hearts would be filled with love,

understanding , compassion and gratitude

for their families, this country, and the rights

we all have, to worship (or not) as we please,

the privilege to vote for whomever we choose,

the right to love whomever we wish, to bring children

into this world (or not), and to teach them to

be good, kind and considerate of others, to

do well in school, and to become decent,

productive citizens.

Why can't I write of these things, of the joy

of a little baby taking his first steps,

uttering his first words, and watching him,

as he gazes in wonder at a tiny ant, struggling

to carry a heavy load, or a butterfly emerging

from its cocoon, or the look on his face, as

he touches, for the first time, the velvet

softness of a kitten ?

Why can't I convey my inner feelings

in what I write ; my innermost thoughts,

fears and aspirations...

Why can't I ?

This was written on Election Day,

November 2, 2004.

When I first started writing, years ago,

I thought it would be easy, and that

fame and fortune would come my way

some day. Well, I've since revised

my thinking, and realize that I'm not

a great writer, and, most likely will

never have the acclaim I thought

would come so easily .

So, I write for my own pleasure, and

that of my family. They seem to like

my meanderings, and give me lots of

pats on the back, and words of praise,

and now...for me, that's enough.

I have the love of some pretty

darned nice people...my kids,

grandkids and great-grandkids.

A few friends, also.

What more could I ask ?

I love you, my darlins' .

D

IS IT BEAUTY... OR UGLINESS ?

If one looks at an 'ugly' person, and turns away,

He might be missing a great opportunity

To make a real friend.

Some people just cannot think of an 'ugly' person

As a 'friend' .

They only befriend people who, in their eyes, are

Beautiful, and only the beautiful people

Deserve to have friends.

How sad, and how shallow, to turn down

What could be a wonderful friendship,

because of 'looks' .

Some of the handsomest people are just

Mean... nasty inside, where it really matters.

If only folks would look beyond

Outer beauty, and into the heart and soul

Of the 'not so pretty' people.

They might find the truest friend

They'll ever have.

Look at Quasimoto... hard to look at,

A hunchback, who lumbered

Rather than walked, yet he had

A loving, beautiful, pure heart.

And didn't he win the heart of lovely

Esmerelda ?

Why can't people see that 'Pretty'

On the outside, means nothing, unless

They're Beautiful on the inside,

Possessing a kind and loving heart ?

One who has compassion for

Those not blessed with a 'pretty' face.

That would make them truly 'Beautiful !

I've seen this happen over and over

again, and it's sad to think there are

people who really think like this, that

a person isn't 'worthy' of their time

and friendship, just because they aren't

'pretty'.

Well, it's their loss not to take the

opportunity to get to know someone

who may well have turned out to be

their best friend .

Something to think about.

D

A LETTER TO LINDA

It was many years ago when we met, you and I

You lived with your family on the Baldwin Park street

we moved to, we being Bris, the kids and I .

We were all so young then...Bris was 39, I was 34, our kids,

Linda, Dwight and Candy were 15, 13 1/2 and almost 11 .

You were just 18, a young wife and mother of a 10-month old,

Michael.

You kids all became friends very quickly, but I was too shy

to go and meet you all.

Later, when Mike had his first birthday party, our kids went and

told us about how you let Mike dive into that cake, and what a mess

he made. I thought that was awful ! Never had heard of

letting a baby make such a mess. Pretty uptight, me !

You kids would come to our house, only 2 houses away,

and make yourselves to home, while I sort-of hid in

the bedroom. I was always like that, dumb, I now know.

Anyway, you guys kept coming, day after day, and I

finally decided that I couldn't stay hidden in that bedroom

forever, so came out to be with everybody.

It was hard for me, at first, but after a while, you

were pretty much like our own .

Your Mom and I became best friends, and I so enjoyed

her company. She was very unlike me, but we got

along really well.

Imagine my shock when she told me that she

had the boys doing 'girl' chores, like dishes, laundry

and ironing, etc.

That floored me, b/c I had

always believed in the traditional roles

for boys and girls. Boys did things like

taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, helping Dad

with car repairs, and learning how to change

tires, etc. Girls did dishes, sewing, laundry, ironing, etc.

Your Mom opened my eyes, and taught me a few things !

Somewhere along the way, I learned that she and

your Dad had recently lost two children, 3-month old

Jerry, and Susie's 3-year old twin, Sandy.

There were seven of you then, and as we got to know

each of you, and your personalities, we liked you all

so much. You wormed your way into our hearts,

and it was that way with your Mom, Carol, too.

She treated our kids just like her own.

And, so it was, that we each had 10 kids.

Bris and I would take one or another of you camping

up to Mammoth, or to Goleta Beach, down by Santa Barbara,

and to other places, too.

You had two other babies by then, Billy, then

Pat, and we would go to Goleta, babies and all,

and Linda would help you with the babies, changing,

feeding, and playing with them.

I just pretty much sat on a blanket on the sand,

and watched everyone swimming, etc. There

were times when I'd dig up clams, pick up

pretty little stones and sea-shells, while you all

were either swimming, playing with babies, etc.

Some of the time I spent cooking over the little

BBQ pit, or making sandwiches, etc.

Then I'd wash what dishes there were.

Some of the kids would go for a swim, with

Bris supervising. He could swim...I couldn't, so

he was the logical one to watch over all of them.

It was so funny, to see little skinny April, with her

bathing suit hanging on her little body. Bris took

at least one picture of her, walking on the beach, with

a towel draped around her, after coming out of

the water. She was so thin back then.

That beach, Goleta, had other interesting

things to do. there was an airport where we

could watch planes take off and land, just

private planes, Piper cubs, etc.

This was mostly Bris's thing. the kids and

I weren't that thrilled with it.

There were also some cows grazing right next

to the beach.

University of California at Santa Barbara was

right there. we could see the college from there

on the beach.

Little did we know that years later, Candy and Reggie's

son, Micah, would be attending that very college !!

We also could walk to the town of Goleta to buy

groceries or takeout from the big Taco Bell right

there in the center of town, or anything else we needed.

Sometimes we'd go barefooted to shop in the town.

We loved that beach and the town, and we'd go

often.

It was so little used, that we felt like it was our

very own, private beach !

Went on that way for years, and then, after a

period of not going for a while, were we

surprised to see it had been discovered by

some other people, and after a short time, it

was overrun by folks, just like any other beach !

Never found another beach like that one.

So sad.

But we had Mammoth, and Seal Beach, and our

long, country drives to places like the town of

Arlington, right next to Riverside, I think it was.

Wherever we went, we had either you and

the babies, or some of your siblings...think

we nearly always had a Teague or two

with us.

Once we went to a town with a pier, and one

of the souvenir shops had two large shells

outside, on either side of the doorway.

Well, Candy and Susie each sat in one

of those shells, and Bris took a picture of them.

They looked so cute !

Wonder whatever happened to that snapshot ?

Maybe that year when Candy and Linda

decided to make you that special album

for your birthday, or maybe Mothers' Day,

and I gathered up all the pictures of your kids

that I could find for that album, the one of

Candy and Susie sitting in those shells might

have been one that I gave them for that.

After all, you had a lot to do with Susie's

upbringing, so it would have been the natural

thing to do.

You helped your Mama a lot in that

respect, being mother to your sibs

some of the time.

You followed in your Mom's footsteps, for a time,

doing nursing care for the elderly. You learned

a lot in that time, and was able to help all

of us whenever we had some health problem

or other. All we had to do was ask, and you

usually knew just the right thing to say or do

to help us.

It was so neat, how all you kids came

together, and we all pretty much

functioned as one family !

I used to think that Dwight and April would

end up together, Richard and Candy would

be a couple ( then, later, I thought Donald

and Candy ) would join up.

Linda was crazy for Vinny, and I thought

they might wind up together.

Well, none of those pairings took place, and

in the early 70's, you and Dwight got

together. That was a surprise, to me, anyway.

I thought April had her sights set on him !

After some years, you and Dwight went to Las Vegas

and got married and raised your kids together.

Both you and Dwight became ill later on,

and you guys had to struggle to find the strength

to raise three very active boys . Besides your health

issues, you were plagued by financial problems.

Life became very hard, but you both kept

plugging away, and got the boys raised despite

the hardships.

You guys bought a mobile home in Tehachapi

right by the mountains. You both loved it there

in that beautiful setting. Had a fire there, but

bounced back from that. Stayed a while longer,

then you moved to Oregon

and lived there for some time.

Some years later, you came back to

California, the Northern area, and settled

down in Stockton, where Bill and his

family had bought a home.

Bad health continued to plague both

of you, and you guys were in and out

of hospitals .

You, Linda, had a hernia procedure at the very

beginning of 1993. That became infected,

and you had another operation to correct

that. But, it didn't, and you had to endure

yet another operation. One after another,

making a total of either 5 or 6 surgeries

in all, for that one hernia.

Then, you developed another hernia, right

on top of the original one, which still

wasn't fixed !! You went for years, suffering

with the two hernias, until about 9 months ago,

when you had surgery for one of them.

You came out of that surgery with flying colors.

Whenever you and I spoke on the phone, you

had really changed. Your voice had a lilt to

it, and you seemed genuinely happy, for

the first time in years. I could almost see

and hear you singing, smiling broadly.

Your whole mood was one of peace and joy.

You laughed easily...you were on the road

to better health than you'd had in years !

You were like the old Linda, of the

twinkling brown eyes, the sparkling

personality, the friend we used to have,

in whom we could confide.

September came, and with it, devastation,

and hopelessness, as the hernia became infected

and one thing led to another, and sadly,

inexcusably, you were torn from the bosom

of your family, gone too soon, due to negligence

and human fallibility !!

We all have lost someone dear to us, someone

we will miss beyond mere physical presence, we

will miss your smiling face, your unfailing

optimism, no matter what would happen. I feel

this wonderful thing happened with you,

after you found God, and let Him into your life.

That is what gave you the courage to go

through the second hernia surgery, confident

that it would take care of the problem, once

and for all time.

That didn't happen, and we have lost a

great friend. Yes, you were a friend to all

of us...kids, husband, grandkids, siblings.

We miss you now and will miss you always .

You were a big part of our lives.

I love you, and everyone in our huge

family loves and misses you.

We have a large hole in our hearts, that can only

be filled when we re-unite on the other side.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

Your mother-in-law, and your friend.

Dot